Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
