the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
