my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
