I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize