I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
