Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
