I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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