the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
