i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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