How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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