i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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