Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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