yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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