I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
