and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
