He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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