he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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