Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
