Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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