Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have post one night stand depression
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
