now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize