I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i love accidental penises.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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