if you like me you must not know who I am
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize