she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
