I could make wine with my vomit
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
