who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
vagina is talking i cant
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
