I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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