Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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