her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
