i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
