Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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