How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
