Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
