You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
