I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
