that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
