Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
