I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
