Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
