Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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