i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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