The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
