I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
