I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize