Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
