I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
