Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
