Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize