Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
