I am in a vortex of obligation.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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