She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
