My friends, they love my intelligence
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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