When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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