people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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