I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
