Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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