Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
