Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
