I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
