I wish I only lived at night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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