Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
