Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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