Pants 0. Shit 1.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
