went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
