God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
