So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
