i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
