I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
