its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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