Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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