I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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