i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
